Live Cheap Spend Wise Enjoy Life - JH’s Guide to UK
Version 1.0 Copyright : JunHao
Things To Know About UK
What They Eat:
- Food la duh. British food sucks unless you are a fan of steak, fish & chips, cereal and beer.
- Potato, potato and potatoes. They never have enough of this. All different form of potatoes ranged from mashed, boiled, steamed etc etc.
- You can actually find some nice restaurants serving authentic food from other countries because they hire some cheap illegal immigrant cooks. No complaints.
- Their favourite Chinese food: sweet & sour chicken =.=
- They drink water from the tap. Only the cold water is drinkable. If you guys are not used to this you can buy some tap filter from markets to filter your drinking water.
What They Speak:
- English. Different part of UK you will hear different accent. Takes some time to understand some accent such as the Georgies.
- Few popular Cockney slangs:
- Come down from the f******apples (stairs)! - apple & pears
- Hey this dude is my gay china (mate). - china plate
- I smell raspberry (fart). - raspberry tart
- I like to grab Bristols (titties). - Bristol city
- British say ‘Cheers’ means Thank You. Don’t yam seng with them.
- Manners are important. Say ‘please’, please.
- British have their way of saying hi. If you see one comes to you and say:
- You alright?
- How you doing?
- How to start a conversation? Talk about the weather! British always do that.
- It is important to shake hands when you meet someone, especially when introducing yourself.
- Some girls hug or kiss you when they greet. Don’t get high or embarrassed. Damn I thought that cute Swiss girl liked me when she kissed me on my cheek L
- Point the ‘peace’ sign the right way (with your palm facing outside). You won’t want to get yourself being beaten up without knowing why.
What They Do:
- Everything closes at 5pm! WTF? No mamak no CC. Some shops close on Sunday. Sad.
- Cinema is not a popular hangout place. They rather buy a DVD and watch it at home.
- They walk a lot. Freaking expensive public transport and petrol.
- Facebook.
- Without a dishwasher, they have a weird way of washing dishes. First fill up the sink with water, soak all the dishes, squeeze the cleaning-up liquid into the water and then scrub the dishes. Without rinsing they wipe it =.=
- If you haven’t been clubbin before, this is the place to break your clubbin hymen. Even good boy like me go once in awhile.
- Bars and pubs are their hangout place instead of mamak. No more milo ais or teh ais. They will be replaced by beers.
- Rare to find British who don’t drink alcohol. They love getting drunk and do 3P everywhere. Whats 3P? Puke, Pee and Poop.
- They love fancy dressing. Sometimes you will see guys running around with G-string.
- F***.
- I reiterate this again. No mamak!
What They Think:
- Malaysians live on trees, and belongs to Singapore.
- Americans are idiots
- They have no idea what are fish balls and bolster.
- They call Fries à Chips, Potato chips à Crisps.
- Pants = Underwear. Don’t tell a girl that her pants are nice.
- Weird music taste. They like cheesy stuff. I know some British who doesn’t know who is Lifehouse wtf.
- Don’t tell them that you are Chinese or Indian. They will think that you are from China or India. Most of them don’t know the ethnicity stuff in Malaysia so be prepared to explain to them.
- White guys like asian girls. White girls dislike asian dicks.
Before Coming
Packing your luggage is always frustrating. This is a simple guide:
Food To Bring
Most of these foods can be found in Asian shops (Including Indian shops). Obviously they will be much more expensive. I will put a * beside those that I’ve never seen being sold around here.
- Maggi mee. Of course.
- Milo. Rarely sold in shops.
- A1 Bak Kut Teh herbs packets
- Lee Kum Kee oyster sauce.
- Soy sauce
- Thick soy sauce
- Chili sauce.
- *Ikan Bilis (dried)
- *Belacan
- Lemongrass – freaking expensive if you cook curry often
- Herbs for soup? Ex: Gouji, Dong Guai, Pao Sam etc
- Chinese tea packets
- *Chinese sausage (Lap cheong) – Meat stuff might not be allowed anymore
- All sort of Chinese new year biscuit.
- *Tom Yam Paste
- Mushroom
- *Ba Gua/ Yuk Gon/ Dried pork
- *Chicken/ Pork Floss
- Curry Paste!!!! – Good ones are hard to find
Clothes To Bring
This section is mainly for guys.
- Bring lots of underwear! Because of the cold weather you might not change your clothes that many times but you need loads of undies if you change it every day.
- There is no need to buy a lot of jackets/sweater. Just bring one that you think will keep you warm and come over to buy as there are more selection and more suitable ones. Loads of hoodies to buy too.
- Guys bring some shirts and also a set of formal wear. There will be ball and formal things to attend. Also can be used for clubbin and stuff.
- Bring T-Shirts! You can bring old or ugly ones coz you are gonna wear few layers anyway or cover it with your jacket.
- Bring a pair of sport shoes, and also a pair of leather shoes. You can buy nice ones here. A pair of slippers will be cool too.
- JEANS! You will wear them most of the time.
Things To Bring
- Money, passport and important documents
- LAPTOP! THIS IS YOUR LIFE HERE
- ID card that shows date of birth such as driving license. Need it to enter pubs and clubs.
- Stationeries. It is damn expensive if you buy here.
- Batteries
- Blank CD/DVDs
- External hard drive. You will love the internet speed here. Gigs of porn awaiting you horny assholes.
- Condoms if you want to lose your virginity here.
- The liquid for contact lens if you use one coz its expensive here.
- Medicine.
- Alarm clock if you don’t want to buy one here.
- Camera is a must. I’m sure you gonna travel around.
- Mp3 players for boring lectures
- A4 papers and test pad if you can afford the extra weight
- Some RM when you go back home
- Bag? Handbag?
- Personal hygiene stuff. I would recommend that you bring some and if they don’t suit you, buy some coz diff weather and humidity.
- Lip bums and some skin care stuff if you wanna look pretty or gay.
- A set of cutleries just in case
- Thumb drive
- DON’T BRING PEPPER SPRAY. It is classified as weapon. No one will wanna rape you.
Extra Advices
- Be yourself. Don’t try to pick up their accent because eventually you will sound really weird and everyone HATES you. Well just don’t use too much ‘la’s la.
- Try to mix around with different people. Don’t just stick with Malaysians. If not whats the point of coming oversea?
- Approach the British and talk to them. Don’t expect them to invite you to join their circle. You have to take the initiative.
- NatWest will be the bank that you want to open your account with. HSBC is good choice too. Other just fark them.
- Bring your handphone. Then you can explore deals given by phone companies then choose some package that suits you.
Hope these basic advices help! Come to UK and have fun and realize how nice Malaysia is. Nasi Lemak Boleh!
